Life Changes, Tough Choices.......

Sooo......2 months ago, during a conversation with my primary care doctor, she said "Gretchen, I can tell you are frustrated with your weight loss journey. You seem to be stuck, what can we do to help you get through this." My response.....Dr. Dow, I am ready to try ANYTHING!  We started with agreeing to do a sleep study, join a medically supervised exercise program at the gym and then, she said the "dirty" words, weight loss surgery.

I know I sighed audibly, and she smiled at me.  Weight loss surgery was always a last chance option for me.  I know several people who have gone through the surgery (some successfully, and several who have regained the weight after 2-3years).  Here's the thing, I know I am stubborn, strong, determined, blahblahblah..........It scares me to death, that I will become complacent like the people I know who have regained the weight.

I promised my doctor, I would do a consultation with a surgeon. I promised I would be open minded and really listen to what the surgeon had to say.  I am leaning more towards having the surgery than not having the surgery.  I would be doing the Vertical Gastric Sleeve.  Basically they remove 2/3 of your stomach, the portion that creates ghrelin.  Ghrelin is the hormone that creates the feeling of hunger.

So far, I have been to an orientation, met with the surgeon, done a crap load of research and had 1 nutrition class.

My psych eval is scheduled (okay, for those that know me.....don't say it, I know I am crazy, but hey, why not have a doc tell me officially?)

I had my last Diet Dr. Pepper on Tuesday (even though I found one in the office fridge yesterday).  (can't have carbonation for at least 1 year after surgery).

I have started practicing not drinking anything 30 mins before or 30 mins after I eat.....that is a tough habit to break!  Next will be not drinking with a straw AND giving up coffee.  I think I will wait until September 1st for the coffee......

I am going to the gym for an orientation today, I will meet with a trainer 2x a week and then also do some pool work (which is really what I want to do......)

The earliest I can do the surgery would be middle to end of October.  I decided to share my decision because I think that people tend to be ashamed of deciding this drastic route to assist with weight loss.  If you think it is the easy way out, you would be wrong.  Yes, the surgery is the easy piece, BUT we are talking a complete lifestyle change.  Remember, the stomach will be 2/3 smaller than it is now.  This is just a tool.  I will be looking to my inner circle, more than ever, for support.

I ask that if you have something negative to say, DON'T say anything.  This is not a decision I am coming to lightly.  It has taken a lot of prayer and research.

Let the journey begin!

Reason got no rhyme

Everyone comes into our lives for a season.  Some seasons span years and others a much shorter time.  It is our responsibility to learn what we can from the situation.  Relationships are work!  But it takes 2 to tango.

I recently met a man that I connected with immediately.  Things were amazing.....to begin with.  Then things changed, with no warning, no explanation.  The writing on the wall was starting to show, but I kept holding on......silly Gretchen, you know better!

My friends keep saying, sorry and want to be angry with KCS.  This is why I love my inner circle!  I am not angry with him, I don't hate him.  I am actually thankful for him!  He reminded me that I like being vulnerable to someone, that feeling butterflies is exciting and scary at the same time.  He reminded me that I am a damn good girlfriend and the right guy will be lucky to have him.

He also gave me a gift that I have been desperate to receive for the past 10 years.  He gave me emotional freedom from a past relationship.  A relationship that has haunted me.  I am finally able to think back on it with fondness!  I am finally able to look towards rebuilding a friendship with this person.

I have learned a lot about myself.  I learned that I am happy and content to be by myself.  I don't need someone to complete me, because I am complete.  I worked really hard over the last 9 years to build a life that I could be proud of.  I have worked hard to find balance, peace and be happy with who I am.
Am I perfect?  NO
Am I finished growing and changing?  Nope......

But I am whole, I am happy and I am ready to let someone share my world.  It will take someone special, someone who is whole themselves to be welcome.

I deserve someone who is able to give me what I am willing to give back.  Someone who wants to grow together, but still have their own identity.

There is a whole world to explore and I am prepared to explore it as someone who is single and has an amazing inner circle of family and friends, but I am open to sharing the journey with someone.

Oh, the Places You'll Go Update: Drive through the Irish Country side and kiss the Blarney stone (June/July 2015)

My mother's maternal grandmother is from County Cork, Ireland!

I have been drawn to everything Irish for as long as I can remember!  The landscape, the livestock, the beer, the people.  I have been talking about going to Ireland for 6 years and this year I promised my mother, I would make it happen.

I didn't know who I would go with, but that just didn't matter.  My friend Alice decided she wanted to go, we had never traveled together before.  She was an excellent travel companion!

We booked our trip through CIE Tours and they were fantastic.

The trip was better than I could have imagined and I am convinced that God made Ireland last!  I figure, he tried out a few things first and when he decided he figured it out, he made Ireland!

I was able to connect with an old camp friend that I haven't seen in 23 years!  She was the perfect host and showed us her village of Skerries, which was lovely!

This was a sampler trip and I know I will go back and spend more time in the Ring of Kerry and County Cork.

Cliff's of Moher

Kissing the Blarney Stone

Blarney Castle

Giant's Causway

County Clare

Me, Alice, Stephen and Camille in Skerries!

Skerries, Co. Dublin

Ring of Kerry

My new love

On June 5, 2014 my life changed again!  I adopted Maisie Moon.  I swore up and down that I would not have another dog until after my trip to Ireland.  You may be saying....well what happened then?

A high school classmate had posted a picture on Facebook of a yellow lab.  I popped over to the page to check her out and when I started looking through the pictures, I came across the following.  This was on 5.29.14.  This little pups name was Haven.  I sent her picture to everyone I could.

Next thing I knew, I was applying with Pets Tail Rescue.  I was already heading to Haverhill, MA to celebrate my birthday with my family, so when I was approved to adopt her, I went to NH to meet the sweet girl.  She was the last one of her litter to be adopted.  She was rescued from South Carolina.

It has been a very busy (and sometimes stressful) 9 months.  I can't believe she will be 1 year old on March 3rd.  She is spoiled, listens 90% of the time and one of the sweetest little pups I have ever met. (Okay, I am a little biased, but just ask the people at her daycare).

I truly believe that Sadie Mae and LuLu Bird sent her to me. 

Thanks for letting me be your person Maisie Moon!

 

His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet: Life list item completed!

I would not say I am a religious person, but I do believe in a creator and a higher power.  I enjoy listening to religious leaders speak and am always able to walk away from the experience with something positive that I want to incorporate into my life.

I have always wanted to hear the Dalai Lama speak and found him inspiring.  He is humble and pretty funny.
He considers himself a simple Buddhist Monk which is amazing seeing he has been in the public eye since he was 2 years old which is when they decided he was the reincarnation of the 13th Dalai Lama.

He talked in great length about education of morals and ethics, in the absence of religion,  being the key to a peaceful world.

He also said that the definition of secular is to respect all religions including non-believers.  I LOVED this idea.  If religions would stop trying to "recruit" others to their beliefs and learn to respect others, we may have a chance at fighting the "problems" of the world. 

Humility, dedication, passion, compassion and empathy......if I could learn a little something from His Holiness...I would be a better person!

Introducing Blue Belle......

On November 4, 2012 I was in a car accident and my car was totaled.  I was okay, but was faced with the daunting task of replacing my car.  I have only had my license since July of 2005 and my first car was a gift from my parents.  My car was a 2001 Dodge Stratus with only 60,000.

I really struggled with spending that much money on something that just was not important to me.  A car has always been a way to get me to one place or another.  I don't LOVE driving and really miss living in a city where public transportation is easy and accessible. 

I narrowed down my options and decided I was either going to buy a Honda Accord or Honda CRV.  Thankfully my parents were able to go with me and help me remember to ask questions I would not have thought to ask.  I finally settled on the CRV EX Moutain Air Blue.

So here is my FIRST new car....

New Mexico Balloon Fiesta 2012

I have always wanted to attend the Balloon Fiesta in New Mexico.  Well........this year I was fortunate enough that I conference I wanted to attend happened to occur in NM during the balloon fiesta! 

I got to experience it with Tara and her mom.  Unfortunately, the morning mass ascension did not occur (which wa a big bummer!), but the evening glow went off without a hitch.  One minute you looked at the field and no balloons were inflatted and if you blinked, you missed balloons rising!  It was definitely overwhelming and I wish I had eyes on all sides of my head so I could see everything happening.  I would definitely go back!