Well.....I knew this day would come and I really thought I had prepared myself, but I guess not. I have very conflicting feelings about a friend of mine getting married. I am very happy for him, but my heart is breaking a little bit! I have come to terms with his engagement and relationship and I really like the woman he is marrying, but I would be lying if I said I still didn't have some feelings for me. I have done my best to respect the fact he is in a relationship with someone for the past several years. I know, I know......get over it already Gretchen, the past is the past, it is time to move on. Trust me, I have heard them all and have told myself them all......and I have come a LONG way! How do you reconcile your feelings for a past lover who is also your best friend? How do you sift through all of the feelings that are attached to everything the two of you have been through together? Everyday, I am intentional about remembering it was always the friendship I wanted before the feelings came along! It isn't easy.......
I would also be lying if I said I wasn't a little relieved that they chose a date that doesn't allow me to attend. But, again, I am conflicted. I want to be able to celebrate with him and rejoice in his happiness, but I am not convinced I would have been able to see him marry another woman. I think I probably would have fallen apart.
So...today I will spend the day trying to keep my mind on other things to give my heart a little more time to heal!
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