Untitled

Sitting on the bench in the old train station, they prepare to say their goodbyes.
There is an unspoken understanding between them. 
Once he descends the stairs to the boarding platform, their relationship and roles they will play in each other's lives will change forever.

Saying goodbye is always the hardest part........

Neither of them speaks of the truth that hangs over their heads and in many ways neither wants to acknowledge the change.  How do you say goodbye to something you have treasured and fought for during the past nine years?

Saying goodbye is always the hardest part.........

It is as if they are the only two who exist in the station.
Even though the station is bustling with activity, she can only hear his voice.
She looks into his eyes and sees not only the pain he is feeling knowing he has to let part of his heart go, but she can also see the happiness he feels for the journey his is about to begin.

Saying goodbye is always the hardest part........

She does her best to make things okay for him (as she has often done throughout the past nine years).
She struggles with holding it together, with not letting on to how much pain she is feeling.
Afterall, she loves him......unconditionally.

Suddenly they both realize the station attendant has announced his train is ready to board.
She walks him to the stairwell, they embrace and tell each other how much they love each other.
As he turns to walk through the doors that will lead him to the train, they both have tears in their eyes.

Saying goodbye is always the hardest part..........

Knowing she will fall apart if she watches him walk through the doors towards the rest of his life, she resists the urge to look over her shoulder just one more time.
Even though her heart is breaking, she forces herself to walk with her head high, looking straight ahead. 
When she arrives at her car, she gets in, puts on her seatbelt, puts the key in the ignition and begins to sob.

Afterall.......saying goodbye was always the hardest part..........

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.”

Throughout my life, there have been times I have allowed the people around me to change me.  The change was not always a positive one.  There always comes a time during those moments that I stop and look at who I have become and I don't like the person looking back at me.  It is at that moment that I began to re-evaluate and attempt to realign my actions with my beliefs and the person I want to be.

I like to think I am a generous, caring and giving individual.  Unfortunately, I do not always act on those qualities.  I can also be very selfish and sometimes I try to disguise my selfishness as something else.  I am also VERY stubborn (yes Mr. Mr....I said stubborn and not will full.)  I am the daughter of two very stubborn people who taught me to stand my ground on things that are important to me.  Unfortunately, I don't always know when to ease up on my hold!

I am lucky to have a handful of people in my life that call me on my crap.  I have learned that criticism is not comfortable, but when it comes from people you love and trust, it is easier to take.  It is those people that I keep close to me and work really hard to maintain our friendship.  I think it is important to have people in your life that you can talk to about anything! 

Being able to go weeks, months, even years without seeing or talking with someone, but feeling right at home with them when you do reconnect is rare and I treasure the relationships I have with those friends.  I often stop and think about the connection I have with them and how I came to create that connection.

Some of my closest and longest friendships began at Camp Runels in Pelham NH.  I started as a camper at the age of 10 and spent my last summer at Camp Runels when I was 22.  Wow...12 summers of my life were spent living in the woods with a crazy bunch of women.  I didn't know it at the time, but both the women who were my counselors and the women I worked with side by side helped to shape the person I became.  It is amazing how intense a friendship can become in just a few short weeks.  When I was a camper, each summer there was a counselor that was my favorite.  Each summer, I would come home with a new "cause".  One summer I decided to boycott Cocoa Cola because of the apartheid in South Africa and another summer I wanted my parents to make sure they were not purchasing coffee from Colombia.  My dad  would just shake his had at me and my mom would try her best to support my belief (I am sure that she was shaking her head when I wasn't looking!).

Although, I am not proud of everything I have said or done, I am proud of the person I choose to be.  I am generous, kind hearted, compassionate, loyal, loving and many other things.  I know I am flawed and I try to face those flaws and attempt to improve.  I have fought hard to work through some things nobody should have to live through.  I am a survivor!  I owe my friends and family a HUGE thank you for sharing their strength with me, lending me their ears and shoulders to cry on and most of all for loving me when I haven't always loved myself.

It is because of all of you that I am who I am today.  Each of you have shared yourselves with me and taught me something along the way!  THANK YOU for helping me to "make sure my life is worth watching".

Bucket List Item: Enter A Photo Contest

I have always loved taking pictures.  I have boxes and boxes of pictures I have taken.  My first camera was the Fischer Price camera.  It was blue and black and took the old school rolls of film. 

I recently went from a Canon 35 mm Rebel SLR to a Canon Rebel T1 Digital SLR.  I struggled with making the transition because I loved my good ole film camera.  There is definitely a difference in the quality of print that comes from digital versus film.  As I mentioned in a previous blog, I am now taking a photography class so I can better familiarize myself with "Darlene" (yes I named my new camera).  My goal is to no longer use the auto feature on the camera and shoot strictly with the manual function. 

When I was visiting my pal BJ in Cleveland, we went to the zoo.  I LOVE zoos!  After he saw some of my pictures, he encouraged me to enter them into the Cleveland MetroParks Zoo annual photo contest.  Now, I don't live in Ohio or any place within driving distance to the zoo, so the prizes are not beneficial to me at all......but I am not entering the contest to win the prizes.  I love shooting pics of animals and trying to capture their personality (I know.....hard to do with a "caged" animal.).   I hope that I will be able to master taking pics of animals that are in a confined area so when I finally make it to Africa, I will be able to shoot pics, of animals roaming freely, with ease.

The pics in the blog are the ones I entered into the contest.

BucketList: Visit 1 MLB Ballpark Every Year

Some may find it ironic that this is one of my bucket list items because 12 years ago, I was not a huge baseball fan.  I have to give credit to an old friend in TX for my passion for baseball.  He challenged my RedSox knowledge daily (I have to admit.....I would read up on the team only because I had a crush on him and I wanted to impress him).  So a big thank you to Andy for getting me hooked on baseball!

Baseball quickly became something I looked forward and relied on for stress relief.  When I moved to California and met my best friend Adam, baseball was always the one thing that would bring us back together if there was a strain between us.  Going to a ballgame always seemed to make things better.

My goal is to visit all 30 MLB parks. I have visited 18 ballparks, but 4 of them have since closed so I still have 16 to go...... I guess 47% isn't so bad!  I had planned to get to Minneapolis last year for the final year at the Metrodome, but just couldn't squeeze it in.  Next year I have to get to Miami for the final season at Sun Life Stadium.  Marlins Ballpark is scheduled to open in 2012.

 Ballparks Visited

1. Boston Red Sox: Fenway Park 
2. Texas Rangers: Ballpark in Arlington 
3. Oakland Athletics: Coliseum 
4. San Francisco Giants: AT&T Park 
5. Los Angeles Dodgers: Dodger Stadium 
6. Los Angeles Angels: Angels Stadium 
7. St. Louis Cardinals: Busch Stadium (did not attend a game) 
8. Baltimore Orioles: Camden Yard 
9. Milwaukee Brewers: Miller Park 
10. Tampa Bay Rays: Tropicana Field 
11. Seattle Mariners: Safeco Field 
12. Atlanta Braves: Turner Field 
13. New York Mets: Shea Stadium
14. New York Yankees: Yankee Stadium (old) 
15. Washington Nationals: RFK 
16. Philadelphia Phillies: Citizens Bank Park  
17. Washington Nationals: Nationals Park 
18. Cleveland Indians: Progressive Field

Remaining Ballparks to Visit

1.  Arizona Diamond Backs: Chase Field  
2. Chicago White Sox: U.S. Cellular Field 
3. Chicago Cubs: Wrigley Field 
4. Cincinnati Reds: Great American Ball Park 
5. Detroit Tigers: Comerica Park 
6. Colorado Rockies: Coors Field 
7. Kansas City Royals: Kauffman Stadium 
8. Florida Marlins: Sun Life Stadium 
9. Houston Astros: Minute Maid Park 
10. Minnesota Twins: Target Field 
11. New York Yankees: Yankee Stadium (new) 
12. New York Mets: Citi Field 
13. Pittsburgh Pirates: PNC Park 
14. San Diego Padres: PETCO Park 
15. Toronto Blue Jays: Rogers Centre 
16. St. Louis Cardinals: Busch Stadium

A big thank you to Beej for going with me to Progressive Field.  I know baseball is not your favorite thing, but it meant a lot that you made it happen for me!

 

Bucket List: Open an Etsy shop

One a friend of mine told me about Etsy, I was thrilled to see so many crafty people selling their projects!

I have always loved to make things.  Whether it is baking, scrapbooking, making jewlery or candles, I love watching a pile of random materials turn into something completely different.  I have a bad habit of attempting many projects at a time and sometimes that means one or more of the projects never gets completed.

I find if I tell other people about my plans and projects, I have a stronger drive to finish them.  Well......I after helping my mom set up her Etsy shop.....I decided I definitely needed one of my own.  It has taken me a while to get things going.  I have so many interests, that it was difficult to decide what to sell.  I decided I would sell beaded items.  It started with rosaries and then I saw items that inspired me to make other types of jewelry.  I posted two of my rosaries on my blog and Facebook and before I had a chance to post them for sale, I had an interest in them.  It was reaffirming to see that people liked what I was making.

Soo......if you know of anyone who is in need of a unique piece of jewelry or someone about to make their First Communion or Confirmation stop by my shop and see if there is something you like.  I only have three items posted right now, but will be posting more throughout the week.  If you see something you like, but want a different color scheme or gemstone, just let me know.

Hope you enjoy!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/trstinghrt

Baking Goodness......

When I lived in California, I never lacked people to try out my cooking on......I lived next door to a group of guys that had big appetites and I knew I could always get them to eat!  My best friend would also occasionally host his D&D sessions at my place so there was another group of guys to cook for.  I miss hosting dinner parties, murder mystery dinners and various holiday dinners.  I love to cook and bake, but HATE doing it for just one person.  I am not a big fan of left overs, but have forced myself start cooking again and eat left overs. 

I still don't know how to cook for just one, but I have stopped letting that stop me from cooking.  I grew up learning to cook from a mother who cooks like a true Italian and makes food enough for armies of people!

Recently my Assistant Manager shared with me a blog that one of her friends is doing about baking and blogging.  She shared it with me because she knows I like to bake and share food with people.  I am a messy cook so I didn't want to take pictures of the process (Not to mention the lighting in my basement apartment is terrible!).  I looked at the list of cupcakes and although there were several I wanted to try, I decided to start on two flavors and see where that led me.

I decided to make Chocolate Peanut Butter Cupcakes and Vanilla Almond Maple Cupcakes. Here is the link where I found the recipes: http://mingmakescupcakes.yolasite.com/.  I think next weekend I am going to do the Chocolate Cupcakes with Chambord Frosting.

Because my waistline can not afford to keep all these cupcakes in the house, they will be going to work with me tomorrow.  Hope my staff likes them!

Vanilla Almond Maple Cupcake

Peanut Butter Chocolate Cupcake

New Hair Product

So....I LOVE watching HSN and QVC!  I know....sort of dorky and I think it has prepared me for when I am an old lady living in a trailer park in Florida.  I also have a fascination with trying new hair products.  Before I moved to California 10 years ago, they only chemical treatment my hair had was a perm and that hadn't happened in 5 years.  I started having my hair highlighted on a semi-regular basis and for those of you who do so, you know it can dry out your hair.  I have been on a mission to find a product to bring the shine back to my hair.

I kept seeing these infomercials and Chaz Dean on HSN for Wen hair products.  I am always got sucked into the infomercials, but never bought the product.  Well.....I finally caved and bought the product.  I have only used it once, but I will post pics of my hair in a 30 days after I have tried the product for a month.  So far, so good.  I do miss the suds that "normal" shampoo produces, there is just something about all of those bubbles in my hair as I am washing it.  I love the smell and the feel of the Wen hair conditioner and before I went outside into the humidity yesterday, it brought the natural curls out of my hair, without making it frizzy......

I guess time will tell!

Goodbye South Carolina....Hello Maryland!

MVA here I come!

So.....after only a few short years...(okay 4 years to be exact) I have finally become an official Maryland resident. Yep, you read that correctly. I moved to Maryland in August 2006. I was told (not by Michelle) that my stay in Maryland would only be temporary. I was told 6months to a year. I thought maybe a year to a year and a half. I was WRONG! Every year when it is time to renew my South Carolina registration, I have said, I really need to get my car registered in Maryland.

I really believe that I had a mental block against the switch. Holding onto the South Carolina registration and license allowed me to not move forward. It allowed me to dig in and stay where I was (not physically, but mentally). It allowed me to convince myself that my time in MD was temporary so why set down roots, why make connections.

This year, I made the conscious decision to switch my taxes to Maryland taxes so I would be forced to change my license and registration. As a side note and an FYI....Maryland has very expensive auto insurance! To keep my Progressive policy would have cost me $600 more a year than it did in South Carolina. I polled my friends, had my parents call their insurance agent in Massachusetts and settled on Safeco of America. I was able to get my auto insurance and renter's insurance for less than what my policy was costing for South Carolina insurance.

MVA in Essex, MD

So...today, I left my house, headed to Essex to the MVA and braced myself for the long lines I knew would be waiting for me. I waited in line for a short 20 minutes, when I got to the counter, I quickly realized, I forgot my W2 at home. Thankfully there was a library in the same shopping center as the MVA and I was able to print off my W2 (thank you Capstone for going paperless!). I went back in line and waited 45 mins for my number to be called. Then...after only 20 minutes of sitting with an MVA employee, I had my MD driver's license, I was registered to vote, transferred my title to MD and had my MD plates. All for just a low amount of $261.40!

My new Maryland license plate!

Cross another thing off of my list.......bring on the next item!

Pay For The Person's Order In The Car Behind Me At a Drive Thru

Yesterday, I went to Burger King for lunch in the middle the chaos at work.  I decided it was the perfect time to tackle one of my "Bucket List" items.  I ordered my food, pulled up to the window to pay and told the cashier I wanted to pay for the car behind me.  She looked at me like I was crazy.  The order was only for $2.12, but hey....it was on my list and the timing seemed right.  Here is the crazy part.....the woman in the car behind me, flipped me off when she found out I paid for her order.  Really????????  I didn't expect a thank your or any acknowledgement, but to flip me off?  So much for good deeds!

Becoming officially a Marlyand resident.........

So, I was supposed to go to the MVA on Tuesday to get my Maryland driver's license, transfer my vehicle title and register Dodger in Marlyand.......

Unfortunately, this smart girl had all her T's crossed and I's dotted, except switching her auto insurance to a Maryland policy.

Thankfully, I found an excellent local agent who made the process stress free and painless.  I was even able to find another carrier that covered pets in a vehicle, so Ms. Sadie is covered if she is injured in an accident in my car!  My premium is lower than I was paying with Progressive and I was able to roll over my renter's insurance as well. 

New goal:  On Tuesday, August 24th, I will be taking the day away from the office and becoming an official Maryland resident!

Crafting for a Cause

Over the past 5 years I have begun to really embrace my Catholic upbringing.  I have spent a large portion of my adulthood trying to figure out what I believed and what I didn't believe.  I have always struggled with organized religion and still see many of the flaws, but I am able to see past those flaws and celebrate the positives.

I have always believed in a higher power and the power of prayer, I just haven't always turned to church to find that power.  I just know that when I am able to find the quiet within, I am usually pulled in the right direction.  I will never forget the day I found out I had a miscarriage.  I was walking on Market Street in San Francisco and the next thing I knew I was walking into a church.  I really don't remember making a conscious decision to go to the church, but there I was.  I believe in signs and the power of prayer.  I believe that when you open your heart and give to others, you get back tenfold!

Through my journey towards religious identity, I have found a group of people that I know I can count on when I need a prayer said for either me, my family or a friend.  I wanted to do something to acknowledge their prayers and thank them for everything they have done for me. 

I have always been crafty, but have recently begun making jewelry and other crafty things again.  I decided that I wanted to attempt to make Rosary Beads for those people who take the time to say a prayer when I ask them to, and even when I don't ask!

Here is my first attempt!

"Bucket List Item": Learn a new word everyday for a year. (3/365)

Today's Word "excursus"


excursus \ ik-SKUR-sus \ (noun) - 1 : A dissertation that is appended to a work and that contains a more extended exposition of some important point or topic. 2 : A digression.

"Sometimes, however, Mr. Honan's historical digressions wander far away from Jane Austen's concerns. An excursus on George III's insanity has precious little to do with 'Pride and Prejudice,' the subject nominally under discussion." -- Peter Conrad, 'Beside Her Joyce Seems Innocent as Grass'

Excursus comes from the past participle of Latin excurrere , "to run out," from ex- , "out" + currere , "to run."

"Bucket List Item": Learn a new word everyday for a year. (4/365)

Today's Word "delectation"


delectation \dee-lek-TAY-shun\ (noun) - Great pleasure; delight, enjoyment.

"Even after the buffet had evolved into the more functional sideboard in the 18th century, lavish arrangements of silver and porcelain continued to be laid out for the delectation of guests at large dinners." -- Pilar Viladas, 'That's Entertaining!'

Delectation derives from Latin delectatio , from the past participle of delectare , "to please."

"Bucket List Item": 5 Things I Am Thankful For (4/365)

Well......move in weekend is over.  We have 3 more days packed with move in appointments between now and August 23rd.   Here are my 5 things I am grateful for today....

1. I am grateful that the majority of my residents have moved in.
2. I am grateful that I have a big heart (this is also a curse.......I will blog about that another time).
3. I am grateful for my intuitions......(even if I don't always listen to them; I have made a pretty poor judgement call very recently, wish I went with my first instinct.)
4. I am grateful that I have people that love me unconditionally and have my back when I need them to!
5. I am grateful that I don't have to work tomorrow!

"Bucket List Item": 5 Things I Am Thankful For (3/365)

I fell asleep last night before I could post this.  Yesterday was the first day of our move in process for this year.  It went smoothly for the most part.  I am exhausted and ready to stay in bed all day tomorrow.  So...here are the things I was thankful for yesterday...

1. I am thankful for Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee!  Just the smell of it brings me back to childhood.  It is a comfort food for me.  When I am stressed, sad, or just missing home, I go to DD and get myself a large iced coffee and things just seem to be a little easier to cope with.
2. I am grateful that there is now a Sonic in Baltimore.
3. I am thankful that I live alone because during the summer and crazy work times.....I love being able to come home and not answer to anyone except myself.
4. I am grateful that I can get a new phone next month.
5. I am grateful I finally got over my issues with driving 5 years ago.

"Bucket List Item": 5 Things I Am Thankful For (2/365)

Today started out pretty rough. I woke up at 2am with nightmares about move in and then at 6am a severe thunderstorm began which caused my puppy girl Sadie to start pacing and panting.  I gave her the puppy sedatives (which I HATE giving to her) so she would be able to relax a little bit while I was at work all day.  Then when I got to work, we had no Internet!  Not a good thing to discover the day before you open your buildings for the new school year.

So finding 5 things I am grateful for today was not very easy....but here it goes!

1. I am grateful for my DVR so I can watch General Hospital and All My Children when I come home from work.
2. I am grateful that when I need to vent and it can not be to anyone in my work environment that I can pick up the phone and call my parents.
3. I am grateful that we are ready for move in tomorrow and that I was sitting on my couch in my pjs by 6pm and I didn't bring home any work with me tonight!
4. I am grateful that Sadie did not go to the bathroom in the house today.  She went potty at 10pm last night and she refused to go outside in the storm this morning.
5. I am grateful to have people in my life that love me for who I am!

"Bucket List Item": Learn a new word everyday for a year. (2/365)

Today's Word "bombast"


bombast \BOM-bast\ (noun) - Pompous or pretentious speech or writing.

"He especially loved pro wrestling shows, where he learned the importance of bombast , and how to immobilize a larger opponent." -- John Brady, 'Bad Boy: The Life and Politics of Lee Atwater '

Bombast comes from Medieval French bombace , "cotton, hance padding," from Late Latin bombax , "cotton."

"Bucket List Item": Learn a new word everyday for a year. (1/365)

I thought this word was appropriate seeing I want to increase my traveling!

Today's Word "wayworn"


wayworn \WAY-worn\ (adjective) - Wearied by traveling.

"These beautiful and verdant recesses, running through and softening the rugged mountains, were cheering and refreshing to the wayworn travellers." -- Washington Irving, 'Astoria'

Wayworn is way (from Old English weg ) + worn (from Old English werian ).

"Bucket List Item": 5 Things I Am Thankful For (1/365)

One of the things I said I wanted to do as part of this journey is to write down 5 things I am grateful for each day. That makes 365 postings about things I am grateful for.  Wow......by the end of the 365 days, I will have posted 1,825 things I am grateful for..........I am sure somedays posting will be easier than others, so here it goes!

1. I am thankful that when I come home from a tough day at work that my puppy girl, Sadie Mae, is waiting at the door for me.  She doesn't ask any questions, she doesn't care how tired I look or feel, all she cares about is that I came home.
2. I am grateful for my friend Tara who sent me a book called "on the move bono" because she thought I would enjoy reading it.  I am thankful she has really grown to know me in the 5 short years we have known each other.  The book has rekindled my desire to visit Africa and yes I did cry when I read it!
3. I am grateful for Cheesecake Factory's Wild Blueberry White Chocolate Cheesecake! (okay...for those of you who know me, I am an emotional eater, so stop judging!)
4. I am grateful that my maintenance technician has taken control of turn and I don't feel like things are a mess a work.  Thanks Aaron!
5. I am grateful that I get to visit BJ 4 weeks from today. 

Have you stopped to think about the things you are grateful for? 

Discovering Myself Through My Past: Bucket List Item: Research my family Genealogy

How do you define family?

I have always been fascinated by my family history, but it was recently re-kindled.  Have you watched or heard of the television show "Who do you think you are?".  It was a show that aired for several weeks and was sponsored by Ancestry.com.  The show featured a celebrity and follwed them on their journey to discover their roots, to find out where their familes came from.  I know some of you won't be surpirsed by this.....but every week I watched, I cried!  It was very moving to watch these individuals travel to the cities and countries where their families began.  It was emotional to see their outlook and ideas about who they were change as they discovered the hidden family secrets.

I have always been pretty open about discussing my family history;  the good, the bad, the ugly and the down right crazy (yes I mean straight jacket crazy). I have been told I could probably write a book about my mother's side of the family and it would be a pretty good read.

The combination of the television show "Who do you think you are?" and the death of my Godfather Joe was my inspiration to embark on my journey to learn about my family and where it all began.

My parents dread when I call to ask questions.  Okay....my mom just says things like "You are making my head hurt." and my dad just says things like "I don't want to talk about this, here is your mother."  I just find all of the twists and turns interesting.  I have never felt embarrassed about anything my family members have done or been involved with, I have only embraced them for who they are and worked through any issues I have.  You don't choose your family members afterall!

I began the journey knowing an outline of my family tree and where we believed our families began.  Little did I know I would uncover things nobody seemed to know.  For example...my Aunt Mary was my Grandfather's 1/2 sister, My Great Grandfather Michaelangelo Serratore was remarried after his wife Bettina left him to marry his cousin and apparently my dad has had an idea of who his birth father was since he was a small child. 

Here is a little back history.......

My mom is the oldest child of four.  She and her brother John were adopted and her brother Roger and sister Michelle were born into the family.  I never had an opportunity to meet my Grandmother Eleanor.  I hear she was something to be reckoned with.  My mother and uncle John were adopted from the Home for Unwed Mothers in Biddeford Maine.  Try finding information about closed adoptions.....it is NOT an easy task and I have not been successful so far.  If you know anything about the typical roles children of an alcoholic play, then you have an insight to my mom and her three siblings.  I even used them as a case study for my family therapy class in college.

My dad is an only child and never knew his birth father.  Of course that is what we all thought until I began digging around on Ancestry.com and asking questions.  Apparantly my dad believes that his birth father is a guy who owned a pizza shop that his mother worked for.......we have no proof...but seeing I have nothing else to go on, I am running with it!  He was raised by his mother Helen (I took her name as my confirmation name.), his grandparents and his cousin Joe (my Godfather who was more like a Grandfather to me and a father to my dad).  Until recently I had never seen a picture of Grandma Helen.  Thanks goes to Helina for digging through her old photos and sharing them with m.

My parents live in the house where my father grew up.  I think it is so cool to think about the fact that someone in our family has lived in that house for over 70 years.  They have two children:  me and my sister Tasha.  If you ask them, they will say that my two uncles and my aunt are more like their children than siblings because of the role my mom took on after my grandmother passed away.  They met on a blind date back in high school.  My dad litterally came from the wrong side of the tracks and my mom was the daughter of a business owner.  They got married on January 5, 1964.  I won't say they haven't had their ups and downs, but I will say that even through their differences, I can see that they love each other.  Lately things have been difficult and it is nice to hear my dad say things like "I am lucky that your mother married me."  and "I don't know what I would do without your mother." 

I don't tell them enough, but they are two of the most amazing people I know.  They have sacrificed so many things for my sister and I.  One I think about them, I think about Ani Difranco's song 32 Flavors.  There is one line that resonates with me....."Both my parents have taught me about goodwill....."  Paul and Janine Smutney are giving and have big hearts and I am proud they are my parents.

Anyway....I have been able to trace my maternal Great Grandmother's ancestry back to Arcadia and France.  I have been able to trace my paternal Grandparent's ancestry back to Galicia, Poland. Apparantly Galicia was a part of Austria at one point.  My next step is going to be submitting a DNA test to Ancestry.com and having them map my DNA to see how many connections I can find all over the world.

As I find more information, I will post more.  It is a cool feeling to have a sense of belonging to the bigger picture, to know that there were many generations before me that paved the path for me to be how I am today.  I also want to thank those of you who have become family to me not based on genetics or marriage, but by being the people I turn to when times are tough and things are good and the people I knwo I can be myself with no matter what! (Mr. Mr., P, Jim, Shi, Heifer and many more). 

<>

Dad, Mom, Tasha and me

The Epiphany..........

Here is the back story to the trip that changed my outlook and allowed me to open my life up and let people in.

I have known Julie since the summer of 1991. Crazy to think I have known her more than half of my life. We met while working at a Girl Scout resident camp in Pelham, NH. Yep....for those of you I have known a long time, Camp Runels! I had been spending my summers at good ole Camp Runels since I was 10 years old. Julie and I bounded quickly. It is hard not to become friends with her. You can hear her laugh from miles away!

She has always been an inspiration to me. She has been to all 50 states, all 7 continents and so many countries that I have lost count. I have lived vicariously through her travels and envied her free spirit. She is the type of friend that you could go years without speaking to and when you reconnect it is like you have been in touch with each other consistently. She is one of my few friends I can talk to about ANYTHING! When we hang out, we do nothing but laugh until our stomachs hurt.

After many years of living vicariously through her travels, I suggested we take an adventure together. We decided with our limited availability that we would do a 3 day cruise to the Bahamas. I had never been on a cruise nor had I ever been to the Bahamas. This combination made for three VCs in one trip. Oh yeah...I forgot to tell you what VC means. VC is Julie's term for virgin conversion. Yes you read that correctly. Easter weekend couldn't have been a better choice. Easter has always been a holiday that has kept me connected to my family. Some of my favorite childhood memories are of spending Easter Sunday at my Godfather's house enjoying family and traditional Polish food. I was worried that Easter was going to be really tough for me this year because my Godfather passed away in February. I won't lie, I woke up on Easter Sunday missing home and missing Joe, but the pain was dulled and some of the emptiness was filled by the trip and quality time with Julie.

It was a great three days. It started with spending time with Khari in Ft. Lauderdale, spending the night at Julie's sister's house and going to lunch the next day with a grumpy old lady who had nothing positive to say. I of course would try to counter anything negative she said with some sort of positive spin. It annoyed her, but made me smile.

When we got on the ship, I was like a little kid in a toy store! It was new and exciting and the FIRST time since I left San Francisco 5 years ago that my staff would not be able to reach me. That's right; this was my first REAL vacation in 5 years.

We had a blast. We now say we are two bitches who can have fun in a ditch. We spent the first afternoon people watching by the pool drinking beers. That night we met the women we shared our dinner table with for three nights and our waiter. I still keep in touch with one of the woman via email and will be having dinner with her in November when I am in Tampa. Later in the evening we wondered into Boleros (the Latin bar). That is when my perspective started to change. Julie and I had a bet to see who could get someone to buy us a drink first. If you had asked me who I thought was going to win, I would have said Julie hands down. I would have lost the bet because I had the bartender buying us drinks for the remainder of the cruise. Who would have thought a little "flirting" would open up a whole new world for me.

Needless to say, Julie and I had a blast and the trip re-sparked my passion for travel and my commitment to fostering important friendships.

So for those of you who have the best intentions of writing an email, picking up the phone to call someone who has meant something to you over the years, I encourage you to stop putting it off and reconnect with those people. You NEVER know what will come of it. Life is short, grab the bull by its horns and live it! As Julie would say.......Adventure On and Be Good or Be Good at It!

Look for a blog out my 2nd cruise at the beginning of December.  My pay Beej and I will be going to Grand Cayman and Cozumel.....all I have to say is Stingrays and Tortugas!

Julie and I our first night on the ship....where the trouble began!

The ladies from our dinner table and Richard our waiter.

I fell in love with this house.

Building on Coco Cay

Roger the Coco Loco Man...he served yummy drinks on the beach

<>

David.....my favorite bartender!

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE.............

I know it is corny, but at some point in a girl's life she has to take a stand, make a bold move and live life for her and nobody else!  I have decided that this is the year of Gretchen.  I am going to make decisions that best benefit me, I am going to do the things in life I have always been talking about, but have always found a reason not to do them.  God blessed me by giving me two amazing parents who have spent their lives sacrificing so my sister and I could experience things they never got to experience. It is time I honor them by taking advantage of the things life as afforded me.

Four years ago, I was transferred from Bluffton, SC to Towson, MD by my company.  My stay in Towson was only supposed to be temporary (6 months to a year).  I have used that as an excuse not to set up roots here.  Well.....no more excuses Ms. Gretchen.  On August 17th, I will be going to the MVA to get my MD driver's license and register my car in MD.  Goodbye South Carolina plates......hello Maryland plates.  I am convinced this is the first step to embracing my life and who I am at this moment.

I recently joined a Meetup group called Swirlistas.  Have you heard of Meetup.com?  Check it out.  There are tons of different groups you can join.  I found a group of women that like to get together and enjoy good food and wine.  Two things I happen to enjoy!

The point of this blog is to hold myself accountable.  I have no idea if anyone will ever read anything I am writing, but it is cathartic and gives me a reason to keep pushing forward.  I am finally at a place I can begin to let people back into my life that I have guarded myself against.  Nobody wants to be hurt and sometimes it is just easier to not let people in, but then you realize you really miss your best friend and you both always said it was the friendship that mattered to each other more than anything else.  Okay, I can admit it, I lost sight of that for awhile, but hey......when you love your best friend and you have such a strong connection, it becomes really difficult to redefine the relationship but keep the core of it the same.  Do you have anyone in your life like that? Do you have anyone that knows you so well that sometimes sitting in silence with one another is more meaningful than any actual conversation you could have?  Well.....Mr. Mr. has been that person for me for the past 10 years.  Wow...10 years.  Letting go of parts of our friendship is part of this journey....learning to embrace the remaining aspects is going to be challenging, but I am up for it.

Throughout my blogging experience, you will find updates from my Travel Wish List and "Bucket List".  I will post pictures of my experiences along with my thoughts.  I apologize now because I can be sort of long winded and for those who know me really well.......I tend to spend a lot of time in my own head figuring things out.

Hope you enjoy reading as I rediscover who Gretchen really is!