Throughout my life, there have been times I have allowed the people around me to change me. The change was not always a positive one. There always comes a time during those moments that I stop and look at who I have become and I don't like the person looking back at me. It is at that moment that I began to re-evaluate and attempt to realign my actions with my beliefs and the person I want to be.
I like to think I am a generous, caring and giving individual. Unfortunately, I do not always act on those qualities. I can also be very selfish and sometimes I try to disguise my selfishness as something else. I am also VERY stubborn (yes Mr. Mr....I said stubborn and not will full.) I am the daughter of two very stubborn people who taught me to stand my ground on things that are important to me. Unfortunately, I don't always know when to ease up on my hold!
I am lucky to have a handful of people in my life that call me on my crap. I have learned that criticism is not comfortable, but when it comes from people you love and trust, it is easier to take. It is those people that I keep close to me and work really hard to maintain our friendship. I think it is important to have people in your life that you can talk to about anything!
Being able to go weeks, months, even years without seeing or talking with someone, but feeling right at home with them when you do reconnect is rare and I treasure the relationships I have with those friends. I often stop and think about the connection I have with them and how I came to create that connection.
Some of my closest and longest friendships began at Camp Runels in Pelham NH. I started as a camper at the age of 10 and spent my last summer at Camp Runels when I was 22. Wow...12 summers of my life were spent living in the woods with a crazy bunch of women. I didn't know it at the time, but both the women who were my counselors and the women I worked with side by side helped to shape the person I became. It is amazing how intense a friendship can become in just a few short weeks. When I was a camper, each summer there was a counselor that was my favorite. Each summer, I would come home with a new "cause". One summer I decided to boycott Cocoa Cola because of the apartheid in South Africa and another summer I wanted my parents to make sure they were not purchasing coffee from Colombia. My dad would just shake his had at me and my mom would try her best to support my belief (I am sure that she was shaking her head when I wasn't looking!).
Although, I am not proud of everything I have said or done, I am proud of the person I choose to be. I am generous, kind hearted, compassionate, loyal, loving and many other things. I know I am flawed and I try to face those flaws and attempt to improve. I have fought hard to work through some things nobody should have to live through. I am a survivor! I owe my friends and family a HUGE thank you for sharing their strength with me, lending me their ears and shoulders to cry on and most of all for loving me when I haven't always loved myself.
It is because of all of you that I am who I am today. Each of you have shared yourselves with me and taught me something along the way! THANK YOU for helping me to "make sure my life is worth watching".
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